Navy Seal Advice Columnist
Jul 30th, 2010 by Mike
I have this great idea. The media is full of advice columnists now, but… I personally find them to be too nicey wicey.
I think we should call on some Special Forces commandoes for help:
Dear advice person:
“I recently broke my ankle. The problem is that the whole 4 weeks when I had a walking cast, people keep calling me hop a long or gimpy etc. This ticked me off, mostly because it was just bad humor.”
Advice columnist: “Take them aside and explain that you are under going a personally difficult time. You understand their need for humor but would appreciate understanding.”
Us Navy seal: “After you are better, hunt them down and wack them over the head with one of your crutches.”
Now you tell me, which is the best advice …. Exactly.
Dear advice person:
“It ticks me off when people run red lights and block the intersection.”
Advice columnist: “Take a deep breath and realize that this person did not do this to personally bug you. They don’t even know who you are.”
Navy seal: “I have to make the sad assumption that you don’t have a mounted machine gun on your mini van. Accordingly I recommend that you run up to the car, and throw a hand grenade. Please don’t tell me that you don’t have a personal stache of hand grenades.”
Dear advice person:
“The person in front of me at the grocery store had twenty items in the ten or less cashier line.”
Advice columnists: “Mention this to the person and suggest that in the future they go to the other line.”
Navy seal: “Whack them over the head with a cucumber until they leave.”
Mike Weagle 2009 (all rights reserved)