Mike Weagle.com

DEAR GRADUATES:
Today, you step out into the world as contributing members of society. (Well, actually, you will probably be going to an all-night party. Let’s say, in a couple of days, you will be ready to contribute.)
As you enter the workforce, I want to take this opportunity to offer some advice to assist you in advancing your careers.
• On working hard to get ahead:
Some people will tell you that you must work harder than your co-workers. Although this might work in some companies, I recommend finding a company where most people don’t work all that hard. That way, you only have to be less lazy than your co-workers.
On a planet of five billion people, why would you want to compete with the 500 or so really talented, hard-working people? This concept just makes no sense to me.
• On having a good attitude:
This is actually a euphemism that people use to mean “an attitude that agrees with mine.”
If you have a good attitude, that’s great! If you don’t, I recommend faking a good attitude. It’s really hard for most people to tell the difference.
• On giving 110 per cent:
I guarantee that at some point in your career, a boss will suggest that you put in 110 per cent. I recommend distancing yourself from people who are math deficient (I find this to be good advice for every human endeavour, from going to the movies to buying a car).
If, by some chance, you can’t get away from this boss, just give 120 per cent of the effort of your slackest co-worker. Sometimes I think it is better to give 120 per cent of 0 than 100 per cent of 100 (sorry if I lost you on the math there).
• On laws of physics:
I remember one of my first jobs. We were given a task to accomplish for the next day, which was physically impossible to do in that amount of time (even if you worked all night).
Me: “Oh, that really can’t be accomplished.”
My co-worker: “We don’t operate that way around here.”
Me: “Oh, you don’t operate by the normal laws of physics – this can’t be good.”
Sadly, they aren’t in business anymore (that seems to happen to a lot of companies that ignore the laws of physics).
Anyway, I know that every time I have tried to mess with the laws of physics (especially gravity), it has been a problem. My personal experience has been that it is always best to keep a safe distance from these people. I recommend 30 feet (coincidentally, this is the distance that a skateboard can fly through the air).
• On communication skills:
One of the best skills you can learn is how to listen. Unfortunately, that involves listening to people blather on and on.
I recommend learning how to appear as if you are listening. This is just as effective and much less painful. (Actually, let me offer a rare piece of serious advice: Interpersonal communication skills are probably among the most valuable you can have in the business world.)
• On teamwork:
Employers are keenly interested in your ability to work with other people. Teamwork (or working at the speed of the slowest person) is a popular way to delay accomplishing anything.
Unfortunately, you can’t really get away from teamwork. Accordingly, I recommend trying to get on teams with co-workers who are either good looking, funny or who bring home-baked cookies to work. That way, you at least have something to look forward to each day. (If you find someone who has all three attributes, then you should marry them.)
• On responsibility:
At some point, some boss will insist you take responsibility for something. This is usually a euphemism for taking the blame when someone else messes up your good idea.
The key to all of this is to be an adult about it.
When things go well – humbly accept responsibility.
When things go bad – make sure you have a list of excuses ready. Some good random excuses are: co-workers, clients, the weather, technology and terrorists. Just switch them up once in a while. (Note – I don’t recommend weapons of mass destruction as an excuse anymore.)
Anyway, that’s about all the advice I can give you. Any more and I would be giving 110 per cent.

Mike Weagle 2010 (all rights reserved)

Tags: Graduate