AS A RENAISSANCE man I like to be aware of both the past (the foolishness before my time) and the continually changing world (the foolishness after my prime). I pride myself on my knowledge of current trends.
For example, it was recently brought to my attention that people now use Facebook (the Internet’s hugely successful social website) for dating. Allow me to explain.
We have a good friend of the family who is in her mid-20s. I enjoy her company because she is bright and she laughs at my jokes. She is single, though, which baffles me.
Me: “So, you really don’t have a boyfriend?”
My friend: “No, I don’t.”
Me: “Hmmm … I find that strange. I mean you are pretty.”
My friend: “Thank you.”
Me: “And your personality is reasonable.”
My friend: “Uhmm, thanks, I guess.”
Anyway, she explained that people actually ask her out via her Facebook site. This apparently is a fairly common occurrence among young people today.
The typical scenario goes something like this:
12:30 a.m.: Guy meets girl at a bar.
The next morning, the girl checks her Facebook site.
3:00 a.m. Facebook entry: “Hiii, I met you tonight at the barrrr.” (Intoxicated people are notoriously poor typers) – “It’s John …” (intoxicated ramblings that end with a request for a date).
10:30 a.m. Facebook entry: “Uhmmm, please disregard that last entry …” (rambling apology, that ends with another rambling apology, and then – Tadah! – a begging request for a date.
12 noon Facebook entry: “Hi, I am the mother of Little Johnnie. He is a good boy. You should date him.”
1:30 p.m. Facebook entry: “It’s your mom (the one without grandchildren). You know, he seems kind of nice.”
Now far be it from me to criticize. In my day, we met girls by asking them to dance. It was really pretty bad dancing – more just bumping into people. But that allowed us to make remarkably witty comments.
Comments like “Hi” or “You smell nice.” Fortunately, other guys were just as pathetic, so we ended up married. But the thing is, we made these incredibly witty comments face to face. I think girls respected this, or maybe they just felt bad for us.
In my parents’ generation, people danced. If you asked someone to dance, it was expected that you could actually dance.
We were at a New Year’s Eve dance this year, where people in their 60s and 70s were gliding across the floor. People in their 40s were bumping into each other and making small talk, like: “You smell nice.” “I should smell nice. You bought me new soap this year.”
The problem is: Where will this technology lead? What is the future? Will girls start getting those mass-marketing messages written in broken Russian-accented English?
“You need good man with like movie star look, See my faciebook site.”
Or, “You need real faciebook man not bumpy North American dancin man. See my pocketface site.”
And what if the Internet goes down for a suspended period of time? Will every single woman in the city rush out for comfort food?
Now some people will say: Hey, we are raising a whole generation of guys who can’t communicate verbally. What will they do when they get married? How will they resolve issues? By communicating over Facebook? As a matter of fact, yes. I recommend that. Nothing good can come from face-to-face communication (but that’s another column). Whole generations of great marriages are built solidly on a lack of face-to-face communications. Why on earth would we change the one thing that is working well?
So, there you have it. The world is changing before your eyes. You spent years crafting great lines like “You smell nice,” and now it means nothing.
Epilogue:
Me: “I wrote about your Facebook dating problems.”
My young friend: “Oh, I can’t wait to read it.”
Me: “You know you smell nice. Guys like that. You should put that on your Facebook site.”
Mike Weagle, all rights reserved
Tags: facebook